Saturday, July 6, 2013
You are Inherently Worthwhile
All my cognizant life, I have struggled with feeling that I am not special or worth anything particularly. In fact, I can directly trace every regrettable decision I have ever made back to this lack of self-belief. Everything I have ever quit: gymnastics, drum lessons, friendships, semester after semester after semester... this list could be embarrassingly long. Then one day, I woke up. Fifty pounds overweight, living in a slum essentially, with no degree, no job, married to an addict, and on the far side of 5,000 burned bridges, but right next to me was this perfect innocent little creature. She didn't smile at me, she only cried. She didn't give to me, she only took. She hadn't earned anything, and yet she was worth everything. There was nothing I wouldn't or couldn't do for her. She deserved everything good on this great green earth, just because she was. Just by being. So I must be, too. And you. Some people are fortunate enough to be born with the gift of knowing this without having to work for it, but I was not one of those. But I am so, so, so thankful to understand it now. Many people never do. Of course, changing thought patterns is a full-time job in and of itself, and I'm sure I will be working on that for the rest of my life. Nothing is effortless. Even things that attempt to be carry a different kind of burden. But some effort-full things are wonderfully worth it.